I'm so sorry that I didn't call you back, I actually just remembered that I said I'd call yesterday. I've been in a pretty rough place since I talked with you, I didn't realize then that it was just the beginning of a long stretch. I haven't been working enough, Al and I are still not quite good and I feel pretty much lost in my life. Lots of crying and living in a dirty house without groceries just feeds the fire. This is a strange loop to be in, sadly it's not the first time I've been in this spot... I'm trying to undo some old energy (from what lifetime or childhood..?) and it's painstaking work. I feel very strongly that I must do this work now, I must do it this way and have faith that it will pay off in the long run.
I start a new job next week so things should even out quite a bit - that happens when basic needs are being met:) So I'd really appreciate if we could postpone for a week or so, until I get my sea-legs at the new job. Thank you for understanding and for being kind and thoughtful.
i love you so much.
i'm completely lost in my life; i can't see the beauty inside me let alone the beauty in front of me in your wonderful hazel eyes.
sometimes i'm sitting right next to you missing you, aching for your closeness and it's just because i don't know how to ask for, how to act in, how to embrace and welcome love.
i'm so sorry i've been so mean to you and to myself.
i'm sorry i haven't found a way to tell you what's going on with me.
i'm sorry that it's taken me this long to realize how worthless i feel and that i need to change this before i can do anything else with my life.
i love you.