Wednesday, February 27, 2008

from a letter

...been thinking about you lately. and about reverent strange. i was given a photo of me from 1996 or so - I was about 19 and wanted so bad to be special. I was posing ridiculously with some Christmas lights. I know now that I am special but feel ordinary on the outside. Maybe when I am old I'll know I'm not ordinary, inside or out. Somehow I know that now but feel a grief I just can't seem to wrap my hands around - a grief related to photographs of me. I look at these pieces of film and wonder who are you? How did you get there? What fragment of you remains inside of me now? What seeds of who I am today are planted inside of you...?


JB aka JayBee said...

Exposing raw parts of yourself is very brave. I know that you will learn more about this part of yourself and that it will further inform your outlook on life.

I am sorry I was not able to spare a few minutes this morning to talk. I look forward to talking with you soon.

Anonymous said...

I know now that I am not ordinary. somehow expressing that in a letter to you opened the doors I had been holding closed my whole life and allowed me to embrace the strange and wondrous creature I am.

I know you are not ordinary, either, and though you struggle to recognize the manifestation of yourself at different parts of your life you will eventually see them superimposed and married, whole.

Perhaps soon your wondrous self and my wondrous self can try again to honor one another.